I used to occasionally host client meetings at my home office. These meetings weren’t the optimal situations for conducting business, but were often my only option for short notice meetings or meetings for certain times of the day. Usually, the meetings are interrupted affairs, but we are able to accomplish our major objectives. This is a story of one of those meetings.

A couple of months ago, I hosted one of the meetings at my dining room table. I had carefully cleaned up the house, put the baby down for a nap, and popped a movie into the DVD player to entertain the Monkey and the Puppy.

The clients arrived and I ushered them into the dining room and we started our meeting discussing their marketing objectives and projects. We were interrupted intermittently by the Monkey asking about things and the Puppy bouncing about. About fifteen minutes into the meeting, suddenly the Puppy appears at my elbow.

My penis doesn’t fit into my pants.

Excuse me?

MY PENIS DOESN’T FIT INTO MY PANTS!!!!

I glance at the Puppy to realize that he has pulled his diaper and pants down to his knees and has exposed his privates to me and my clients whose faces are now frozen in shocked suprise (i.e. eyebrows raised very high). He is sporting a tiny erection that apparently no longer fits into his pants.

Please put your penis back into your pants. (I now wish we have taught them alternative names I could use in font of other people.)

WHAT???

Please put your penis back into your pants!

The Puppy dutifully pulls his pants back up and disappears into the living room. I turn my attention back to the meeting; my clients luckily laugh at the incident and are not phased by my toddler’s deviant behavior.

Ten minutes go by and the Puppy reappears at my elbow. I glance at him from the corner of my eye.

Mommy. I peed on the floor.

What? Why did you pee on the floor???

I look at him now and understand why he peed on the floor. His little penis is poking out the top of this diaper – caught in that position when he pulled his diaper and pants back up. He points to a puddle on the living room floor and I suddenly have an image flash across my mind of my Puppy and a little fountain spurting from his body onto the floor.

Err. Excuse me. I say to my clients. I will be right back as I go clean up the puddle.

Did I ever mention that you should NEVER try to have professional client meetings with a toddler present?