I knew that letting the Monkey play video games would come back to haunt me, but I had no idea that it would turn like this. After the first couple of times I let him play some video games on my brother’s XBox, I knew that I had created a little gaming monster in my 2.5 year old (He’s four now). He was enraptured by the moving images on the screen that he could manipulate. I selfishly had put him in front of the computer and the game box to entertain him for a short time while I tried to get baby Puppy (one year old at the time) to take a nap or take a bottle.

Now, I know that sounds awful. But if you’ve ever had several small children all at the same time, you just reach your limit some days and are just completely depleted of any energy, fun ideas, or ability to entertain a crying or whining small child for any period of time. Computer games and video games became the Monkey’s cocaine. He was addicted, enraptured, and able to play for hours at a time. He became flushed and agitated. Obviously, a BAD thing.

We tried to intervene and no longer allowed him to play games. It worked for the most part because the Spiderman Games, Tomb Raider Games, and the more complex (e.g. violent) games were on my brother’s XBox at my mom and brother’s house. Fortunately for us, my mom only lives near us part-time and when she returned to her “summer house”, we didn’t visit very often and there were no more games except for the occasional PBS computer game on my computer. Much more tame.

That is not to say that the Monkey didn’t go through withdrawal each time. There was the crying, the sulking, the crying, even the petulant “I hate you” (painfully early to start that, no?). But then, the crying had started to subside a little and he’s been asking about it a little less.

So, today we went to Target – one of our favorite places to spend money. It was just the Monkey and me as I had just picked him up from preschool. We happened to be looking at shampoo and conditioners in the shampoo aisle when suddenly the Monkey spoke.

Monkey: Mommy. You’re not pretty.

Me: I’m not pretty? (I know – I repeat my kids a lot)

Monkey: No, You’re not pretty. You’re fat and not cute.

Me: I’m FAT? And NOT cute?

Monkey: You’re fat and not cute. The Girl Game is cute. You’re not cute. (Note: He refers to Lara Croft in Tomb Raider as the Girl Game)

Me: You think Lara Croft in the girl game is cute, but Mommy is not? That I’m fat?

Monkey: Yes, the Girl Game is cute and she can jump and swing on the bars and do cool stuff.

Me: So, if Mommy was skinny and could jump and swing on the bars and do cool stuff, I’d be cute? If I exercised a lot so that I could do that?

Monkey: Yes, then you’d be cute too!

Good lord. Is that what he’s learned from watching/playing that game? At four years old, he’s developed a completely distorted view of female attractiveness. Cute girls (Lara Croft) and non-cute fat girls (Mommy). I thought preschoolers were supposed to adore their mommies and think they are the most beautiful person in the world and want to marry them. Not my kid.

Dang. Don’t ever let your preschoolers (or any age kids) play video games EVER! Evil.